5 Ways for People-pleasers to Say NO

Saying "no" and holding your ground can be hard for people-pleasers,
especially during the holidays.

Being a recovering people-pleaser myself, I understand that it can even be
physically painful to say "no."

But trust me...
it hurts more to sabotage your own self-interests and values.

Saying "no" may not be natural to you, but it's not too late to learn,
especially when you could be setting yourself up for
self-abandonment in the long run.

In the immediate future, 
if you don't learn how to set boundaries,
you may feel overwhelmed and unable to be truly present for your loved ones.

Valuing everyone else's time and energy more than you value your own
may be a sign that you don't recognize the worth of your own amazing life.

By not saying "no," you're constantly telling yourself that you matter less,
and your body and mind believe you! 
That stuff adds up and eventually becomes a kind of self-loathing.

Here are 5 Ways for People-pleasers to Say NO

  1.  "I'll get back to you."
    You don't have to make a decision right away, especially if your instinct is to always say, "yes."
     
  2. Set limitations.
    Let yourself say, "yes," but limit the amount of time or scope of the project.
     
  3. "No thank you."
    This seems too simple to work, but if you say it nicely then turn around and walk away,
    it's quite effective.  You don't owe anyone an explanation.
     
  4. "That doesn't work for me."
    If you are pressed for an explanation, tell them that you have your reasons.  That will change the power dynamic, and you'll feel less pressure.
     
  5. Say it with confidence.
    Whatever you choose to say, say it like you're protecting the time and energy of your closest loved one (because that's exactly what you're doing!).  Every time you say "no" to something that doesn't serve you, is a "yes" to yourself.
     

Saying "no" isn't selfish if saying "yes" isn't something you really mean. 

You can be gracious and kind while not allowing others to take advantage of your kind-hearted nature,
even if it's family and even if it's the holiday season.  


 

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